Sometimes I wonder about every thing he ever said to me before, about myself that always being selfish or even arrogant or worst than those things. I admit that I am really selfish and annoying sometime. No wonder he could say that things. I realize when I was still with him, I couldn't controlling myself and it was turning me into weak and always following his orders. And since I break up with him, I feel so free until I can do whatever I wanna do. I can wear anything I wanna wear, sneakers, shirts, something that he never wanted me to wear. The positive side after I know someone like him, it motivates me to always feel competitive to the others about working. It open my eyes to always look into the out side of the box. His compliments, his critics, his comments about me, everything, I always remember that and it becoming a big motivation in my life that I don't wanna live like him and his family.
I know that everyone would hate listen to all the bad stories of somebody else, they would think why the hell am I telling them those bullshit or even lies? I know that I should share about something bad to the others. It's just that I don't know what else I could do beside hide the stories and keep it in my head and drives me insane or even crying. Those cry baby comes from the dark, it felt so dark and always full of fears.
Now, I shouldn't be worry about those things anymore. Its just a nightmare now. But, I did make a mistake and it really makes me look stupid and insane in front of my bf and his family. I should be understand that his father is sick and need more time to stay in SG. But sometimes talking in my head like It's been almost a week, why they keep staying there? Why wouldn't they move to the hospital in here? Why he should stay here? Why don't he going back here first and go back again to SG with me?" I know, that sounds selfish. Say everything you wanna say to me. Now his sister thinks that I such a big-headed, selfish, cocky and something bad. I successfully making her hating me again like the first time I get close with my bf. How about his mother? I bet she also thinks different know about me. It was my fault. AT ALL. GREAT! YOU FULLY STUPID.
